DAILY ESSAYS 1999
 
  Dec 1999
 

31 Dec 1999


The Suck 1000
Hip new daily comic strips

30 Dec 1999


The Suck 1000
Our modern tarot reading

29 Dec 1999


Filler 12.29.99
Put Your Best Footnote Forward!

28 Dec 1999


The New Biography
Put your best footnote forward

27 Dec 1999


The New Biography
Put your best footnote forward

24 Dec 1999


New to You!
Better living through reruns

23 Dec 1999


Hit & Run CCVIII
Laugh until you cough with Brown & Williamson, sing along with the Cartwrights, and more

22 Dec 1999


Filler 12.22.99
Holiday Sneer!

21 Dec 1999


Toy Story
Why all the hubbub at gift-getting season?

20 Dec 1999


Toons of Glory
New Yorker cartoons we hope to see

17 Dec 1999


Santa Feared Sleighn!
A Suck Insider Special Report

16 Dec 1999


Hit & Run CCVII
Christmas jeers, retch-a-sketch, and digital division

15 Dec 1999


Filler 12.15.99
Fake Mail Controversy!

14 Dec 1999


Gimme Gimme Gimme
California's Free Lunch banking plan

13 Dec 1999


Suckdot
Porn for Nerds. Stuff that Splatters

10 Dec 1999


Green Christmas
Season's e-Greetings from Suck.com

9 Dec 1999


Hit & Run CCVI

8 Dec 1999


Filler 12.08.99
Beware The Angry Little Squirrel!

7 Dec 1999


Battle Fatigue
Toe to toe with the WTO

6 Dec 1999


Norman Conquest
We always feel like somebody's watchin' Rockwell

3 Dec 1999


Most Excellent Rumors
Legends of Suck: A Primer

2 Dec 1999


Hit & Run CCV
The Great Web Whitewash, mall TV, Mother Love's crash diet, and more

1 Dec 1999


Filler 12.01.99
Message In A Bottle!

 
  Nov 1999
 

30 Nov 1999


Psychiatric Help, 5 Cents
Why, Charles Schulz, Why?

29 Nov 1999


Nam de Plume
Rewriting the Vietnam war, in crayon

24 Nov 1999


Filler 11.24.99
A Dr. Seuss Thanksgiving!

23 Nov 1999


Holy Roll
'True' believers in holy hot water

22 Nov 1999


Tuning Out
Radio killed the radio star

19 Nov 1999


Fourth Suckiversary
You won't toast us, so we'll toast ourselves

18 Nov 1999


Hit & Run CCIV
The Great Unread, Oski's accessories, game show madness, and Comdex doldrums

17 Nov 1999


Filler 11.17.99
Manage That Anger!

16 Nov 1999


Redmond Blues
"Jackson finds that his compan y ' s..."

15 Nov 1999


New to You!
Better living through reruns

12 Nov 1999


ADVERTISING IN OUR SCHOOLS
A Suck Insider Special Report

11 Nov 1999


Hit & Run CCIII
Cheaters never prosper, Shatner never dies, and Sweetness never stops winning

10 Nov 1999


Filler 11.10.99
L As In Loser!

9 Nov 1999


Sinners in the Hands of a Fickle Market
Five loaves, two fishes, and four tickets please

8 Nov 1999


Children of the Corn
Coming soon to a theater near you: Are Midwesterners dangerous rubes or just plain old rubes?

5 Nov 1999


The New Biography
Put your best footnote forward

4 Nov 1999


Hit & Run CCII
Religious strife, dateless wonders, dirty dogs, and more

3 Nov 1999


Filler 11.03.99
Dysfunctional Family Functions!

2 Nov 1999


Tip of the Eisenberg
The new model in Kid Power

1 Nov 1999


Self Sacrifice
Our thousand-year identity crisis

 
  Oct 1999
 

29 Oct 1999


History Is Bunco
What-if scenarios for the Whatever society

28 Oct 1999


Hit & Run CCI
Media shmedia, we're here for our shareholders!

27 Oct 1999


Filler 10.27.99
Mr. Flinchy FAQ!

26 Oct 1999


Microsoft Words 1.0
Debugging the dictionary wars

25 Oct 1999


Pimptuition
A conversation with the last of the middlemen

22 Oct 1999


History Is Bunco
What-if scenarios for the Whatever society

21 Oct 1999


Hit & Run CC
Raving chess masters, soft-money hardbodies, and Potter rotters

20 Oct 1999


Filler 10.20.99
Cellular Breakdown!

19 Oct 1999


Long Live the King
We are all Jerry's Kids

18 Oct 1999


Manhattan Project
Digging up the subway series

15 Oct 1999


Shamesploitation
What's so good about feeling bad?

14 Oct 1999


Hit & Run CXCIX
What's up? Who's down? Why worry?

13 Oct 1999


Filler 10.13.99
Hey Recent Graduates!

12 Oct 1999


Good Grief
HeartMend asks, 'Death, where is thy sting?'

11 Oct 1999


Dr. Know
The decline of our general interest

8 Oct 1999


Break the Mold!
Ending typecasting as we know it

7 Oct 1999


Hit & Run CXCVIII
Kids 'n' kredit, priceless Jewell, and dog slobber

6 Oct 1999


Filler 10.06.99
Team Crack!

5 Oct 1999


Steve-olution
"America's moral decay pro b l e m..."

4 Oct 1999


Caveat Expert
Publish or, uh, publish

1 Oct 1999


None-Hit Wonder
Empty-handed with MP3

 
  Sep 1999
 

30 Sep 1999


Hit & Run CXCVII
Hip-hop rocks, Paytrust paydirt, and more

29 Sep 1999


Filler 09.29.99
Pop Psychology!

28 Sep 1999


Get Yer Ya-Yas Out
"Leader Trent Lott knows at lea s t..."

27 Sep 1999


La Cage Match Aux Folles
Straight men fight for their right to be fabulous

24 Sep 1999


Yankee Doodles
Jingling all the way to the White House

23 Sep 1999


Hit & Run CXCVI
Purdy goes ironic, we stick up for Jerry, and life is a movie

22 Sep 1999


Filler 09.22.99
Drink For Fun, Profit!

21 Sep 1999


IPO'd
A Cinderella story with a Grimm ending

20 Sep 1999


Kid Schlock
Today's youth: Still headed for trouble

17 Sep 1999


Land Yacht Fiesta!
Ford's new SUV packs on the pounds - and automotive chubby-chasers rejoice!

16 Sep 1999


Hit & Run CXCV
"Film Board's meg a - h i t..."

15 Sep 1999


Filler 09.15.99
You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers!

14 Sep 1999


Reverso Converso
Mistaken identity politics

13 Sep 1999


The Announcement
A Confession

10 Sep 1999


A Day at the Races
"Preakness Stakes day 15 May, f a n..."

9 Sep 1999


Hit & Run CXCIV
"Philadelphia, the de f a c t o..."

8 Sep 1999


Filler 09.08.99
The Bossman Cometh!

7 Sep 1999


It's in the Bag
Have bike-messenger gear, will exercise stock options

6 Sep 1999


Labor Pain
Suck's map of the Labor Movement

3 Sep 1999


New to You!
Better living through reruns

2 Sep 1999


Summer Reading
Break the spine of the Suck Book Club!

1 Sep 1999


Filler 09.01.99
Filler's Complete Guide To Complete Guides!

 
  Aug 1999
 

31 Aug 1999


The Medium is the Masseuse
Suck glad-hands its content-providing colleagues

30 Aug 1999


New to You!
Better living through reruns

27 Aug 1999


Fourth Suckiversary
You won't toast us, so we'll toast ourselves

26 Aug 1999


Hit & Run CXCIII
Blair Witch backlash, hamster spikes, Brady bull, and more

25 Aug 1999


Filler 08.25.99
Writerspeak!

24 Aug 1999


Are We Not Men?
Devolving the proper school curriculum

23 Aug 1999


Tommy Davidson Has Left the Building
"The Man Show, we har d l y..."

20 Aug 1999


Out of Eden
Linux passes the Finnish line

19 Aug 1999


Hit & Run CXCII
Indian Wars, Useless Aid, Lost Mail, and Killer Tomatoes

18 Aug 1999


Filler 08.18.99
Indier Than Thou!

17 Aug 1999


No Vacancy
Going on Holiday in the Land of Truth and Liberty

16 Aug 1999


I Got a Friend in Jesus
Identifying Christians

13 Aug 1999


Austin Powers: The Spy Who Sautéed Me
Further employment opportunities for supervillains

12 Aug 1999


Hit & Run CXCI
Exhuming the Exonicle, reviving Nixon, restraining Dave Matthews fans

11 Aug 1999


Filler 08.11.99
The Family Tools!

10 Aug 1999


Presidential Head Trips
And an inner child shall lead us

9 Aug 1999


Sex on the Fritz
Venus and Adonis give each other hand jobs

6 Aug 1999


Trade Rage
Pulling the trigger, executing trades, battling the Ax, and other Nasdaq atrocities

5 Aug 1999


Hit & Run CXC
"As the subtext of Mar k O ."

4 Aug 1999


Filler 08.04.99
The Joy Of Eavesdropping!

3 Aug 1999


Hooked on Bacchus
Be sure to tape my orgiastic frenzy from this angle

2 Aug 1999


Laying Off the Source
The Nature assumption falls flat

 
  Jul 1999
 

30 Jul 1999


Bauble Economy
You'll like the way you look in your eBay suit. I guarantee it

29 Jul 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXIX
Woodstock burns, Hooters bounces, AOL salutes

28 Jul 1999


Filler 07.28.99
The E-Venture Adventure!

27 Jul 1999


This Shouldn't Happen to a Dog
Is the new puppy love worth its weight in Scooby snacks?

26 Jul 1999


Ink Blot
"American comic books righ t n o w..."

23 Jul 1999


Escape from New York
Hillary and Rudy's Empire State squabble

22 Jul 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXVIII
John-John in the drink, New Kids in the house, black and white on the desktop, and more

21 Jul 1999


Filler 07.21.99
Bad Reasons To Have Kids!

20 Jul 1999


Surprise Ending
Eschatology now

19 Jul 1999


Know Your Options
Suck's quiz for uncertain shareholders

16 Jul 1999


Song of Myself
The new age of custom songwriting

15 Jul 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXVII
A comedy how-to, an Oprah zine, a tough ticket, a stoned spider, and a cheap education

14 Jul 1999


Filler 07.14.99
More Pearls From The Swine!

13 Jul 1999


Wanking Towards Bethlehem
How can we protect the children?

12 Jul 1999


Someone should tell the czar
General Barry McCaffrey's sitcom-ready high jinks

9 Jul 1999


New Adventures in Critterdom
Aibo's litter of technopets

8 Jul 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXVI
Doggie Lojack, lethal flags, harsh realms, and other bad ideas

7 Jul 1999


Filler 07.07.99
Die Yuppie Scum!

6 Jul 1999


After the Gold Rush
Let's hear it for the Internet Thousandaires

5 Jul 1999


Scaling Mount Rushmore

2 Jul 1999


How To Judge A Man By His CD Collection
A Modern Woman's Guide to Dating in the Digital Age

1 Jul 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXV
Internet delusions, talking pets, killer tuna, plastic army men and other fakes in the news

 
  Jun 1999
 

30 Jun 1999


Filler 06.30.99
Losing My Religion!

29 Jun 1999


Host with the Most
It takes an Olympic village

28 Jun 1999


Wait a Minute, Mr. Postgay Man
Celebrating Gay Pride with a little old-fashioned shame

25 Jun 1999


Sudden Death Benefit
We cut the NBA down to size

24 Jun 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXIV
All bad news, all the time

23 Jun 1999


Filler 06.23.99
Time For More Reader Mail!

22 Jun 1999


Dateline: Fashion Front '99
Beyond the velvet ropes, the hues made a cry!

21 Jun 1999


Canned Heat
Don't let 'em take away the laughter

18 Jun 1999


Ten Years After: OJ Simpson, 2004
A futuristic, Juiceriffic anniversary!

17 Jun 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXIII
The Dead speak to Suck, journalism is dead on the Web, Ron Rosenbaum kills poseurs dead

16 Jun 1999


Filler 06.16.99
Indie Jones!

15 Jun 1999


Garbage in, Garbage in
Sometimes a dumpster is only a dumpster

14 Jun 1999


Big Hand on One
Swatch's new flick of the wrist

11 Jun 1999


Stop Making Census
The real Y2K problem

10 Jun 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXII
More violent reactions, more Net news, more millions made, more shameless shills

9 Jun 1999


Filler 06.09.99
The Woman Issue!

8 Jun 1999


Tall Dollars Today
Fuck you money, fuck me money, fuck everybody money

7 Jun 1999


Eye on the Ball
Trying to stay awake with major league baseball

4 Jun 1999


Suck Goes to War!
One of our own joins up!

3 Jun 1999


Hit & Run CLXXXI
Killer webmasters, killer campaigns, killer music, and killer bees

2 Jun 1999


Filler 06.02.99
How Cynicism Happens!

1 Jun 1999


Guns and Butter
Overtaxing our all-purpose armed forces

 
  May 1999
 

31 May 1999


What'll You Have?
Draining the vein of Pabst Blue Ribbon

28 May 1999


All the World's a Rave
We cash in on Shakespeare chic

27 May 1999


Hit & Run CLXXX
Off-road proms, unpopular aliens, unbowed activists, and outlaw cops

26 May 1999


Filler 05.26.99
Negativity Unlimited!

25 May 1999


Positively Fourth Rate
We'd rather see Dylanologists paralyzed

24 May 1999


I'm Sorry You're Such an Asshole
All hail Mother Love!

21 May 1999


Ad It Up!
Does that banner yet wave?

20 May 1999


Hit & Run CLXXIX
Off-road proms, unpopular aliens, unbowed activists, and outlaw cops

19 May 1999


Filler 05.19.99
21st-Century Nightmares!

18 May 1999


It Takes a Village of the Damned
Protecting our sick, violent, depraved children

17 May 1999


Strip Search
Fighting for the Soul of Citizen Dog

14 May 1999


Menace II Society
Stop the schmendrick cleansing!

13 May 1999


Hit & Run CLXXVIII
Kurt Andersen plugged, X-ray glasses on your mug, AOLTV is the drug

12 May 1999


Filler 05.12.99
Meet The Mental Health Puppet Masters!

11 May 1999


Strictly for My Wigguz
No Fear of a White Rapper

10 May 1999


End of Regulation
US rolls back the Hockey Invasion

7 May 1999


Ratings Sweeper
Jack Valenti's wide-eyed wackiness

6 May 1999


Hit & Run CLXXVII
Teen wars, spiked coffee, targeting Rosie, and well-hung Webmasters

5 May 1999


Filler 05.05.99
Happy Fillerversary!

4 May 1999


Tail of the Tape
ReplayTV's late arrival

3 May 1999


Slow Budget
The New, New, New Hollywood learns to stop on a dime

 
  Apr 1999
 

30 Apr 1999


Posse Prospects
Leo's hunt for a new Magic Man

29 Apr 1999


Hit & Run CLXXVI
"Maybe Netizens hav e s o m e..."

28 Apr 1999


Filler 04.28.99
The Long-Lost Acquainance: Why?

27 Apr 1999


Likely Story
Can the Salon IPO crown content king again?

26 Apr 1999


Dr. Death, Attorney at Law
Kevorkian, Mumia, Manson, and other foolish clients

23 Apr 1999


Bit Rot
A requiem for Nicholas Negroponte

22 Apr 1999


Hit & Run CLXXV
High school tragedy, TV-Free America, and Dilbert's lawyers

21 Apr 1999


Filler 04.21.99
Inquiring Minds!

20 Apr 1999


Operation Distant Thunder
If you have to actually wage war, have you already lost it?

19 Apr 1999


Single Bullet-Point Theory
Reading Timothy McVeigh's mail. Again

16 Apr 1999


Outside the Actor's Studio
The death of celebrity at the Bravo Network

15 Apr 1999


Hit & Run CLXXIV
Larry Ellison's elaborate practical joke, Johnny Hart's crabbed fundamentalism, and Suck's Enemies List

14 Apr 1999


Filler 04.14.99
It's Tax Time!

13 Apr 1999


Worm's-eye View
The problem with Web cams

12 Apr 1999


War Stories
The pros and cons of genocidal lunacy

9 Apr 1999


Stained-glass Window
The overwhelming compassion of J. D. Salinger

8 Apr 1999


Hit & Run CLXXIII
Larry Ellison's elaborate practical joke, Johnny Hart's crabbed fundamentalism, and Suck's Enemies List

7 Apr 1999


Filler 04.07.99
Sympathy For The Devils!

6 Apr 1999


Nothing But Bombs
Express yourself, with explosives

5 Apr 1999


Long Live Rock?
Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Shame

2 Apr 1999


Great Expectations
...and why you should lower them

1 Apr 1999


Hit & Run CLXXII
'Honk Your Horn to Stop the Porn' and other modern travesties

 
  Mar 1999
 

31 Mar 1999


Filler 03.31.99
Bad Ideas, California Style!

30 Mar 1999


The Beat Goes Online
Part 2: Rock Around the Clock - The Aesthetics of MP3

29 Mar 1999


The Beat Goes Online
Part 1: MP3 Plugged - No One Plays for Free

26 Mar 1999


Flight of the Crybabies
A call for an end to airline humor

25 Mar 1999


Hit & Run CLXXI
Jerry Rubin 2.0, feeling The Independent Spirit, and the death of rock criticism

24 Mar 1999


Filler 03.24.99
Does Your Mother Know?

23 Mar 1999


Discovery Channel
Teletubbies vs. TeleChobis and other blood feuds

22 Mar 1999


Rat Pack
The snitch chic of Elia Kazan, Linda Tripp, and Christopher Hitchens

19 Mar 1999


The Celluloid Dunciad
How Retarded People Conquered Hollywood

18 Mar 1999


Hit & Run CLXX
Fall of the death cultists, talking sandwich fisticuffs, and election 2000 Web hi-jinks

17 Mar 1999


Filler 03.17.99
Fish! Hack! Back!

16 Mar 1999


Follow the Money
The next generation of e-commerce hucksterism

15 Mar 1999


Sex Crazy
Suck's single-handed reading of the Sex on TV study

12 Mar 1999


MOCK3
The Brave New World of high-tech toiletries

11 Mar 1999


Hit & Run CLXIX
More Amazon feedback, post-Ritalin cures for ADD, and Kubrick's posthumous legacy

10 Mar 1999


Filler 03.10.99
Wilty, Guilty!

9 Mar 1999


Crop the Presses!
Sorting the Top 100 Works of Journalism

8 Mar 1999


House Divided
The battle for the soul of the GOP and other nonsense

5 Mar 1999


Urban Hipsters
Little, Yellow, Different

4 Mar 1999


Hit & Run CLXVIII
eBay's Achilles' heel, appleimac.com, Ebert's new partner, and the long arm of Suck

3 Mar 1999


Filler 03.03.99
Nice People Suck!

2 Mar 1999


Pay to Play
Toward a scandal-free Olympics

1 Mar 1999


Separation Anxiety
How to protect yourself from Cultural Marxism

 
  Feb 1999
 

26 Feb 1999


Virgin Territory
'Those who cannot do, preach.'

25 Feb 1999


Hit & Run CLXVII
Purple Moon's waxing and waning, Generation X poetry, and pregnant fellas

24 Feb 1999


Filler 02.24.99
More Mail!

23 Feb 1999


French Tickler
Why we love the French

22 Feb 1999


Cage Match
More brilliant ideas on deposing Saddam!

19 Feb 1999


Yawn At The Devil
Searching for Falwell's Jewish Antichrist

18 Feb 1999


Hit & Run CLXVI
Amazon.com goes Usenet, The Nation columnists wrastle, Clinton struggles for world peace, and Slate takes a price cut

17 Feb 1999


Filler 02.17.99
Time For More Hate Mail!

16 Feb 1999


Send Out the Clowns
Comedy is not pretty

15 Feb 1999


Scaling Mount Rushmore
A visual history of Presidents' Day

12 Feb 1999


Guilty as Charged
Reforming the world through Judge TV

11 Feb 1999


Hit & Run CLXV
Ron Jeremy stages the Starr Report, Broadway stages Charles Schulz, and Barry Diller stages a takeover

10 Feb 1999


Filler 02.10.99
Popular Mechanics!

9 Feb 1999


Tummy Trouble
When good food goes bad

8 Feb 1999


Fantastic Voyage
Schooling the Nintendo generation with The History Channel

5 Feb 1999


Paralegal!
The new legalism: It's not just for jury duty anymore!

4 Feb 1999


Hit & Run CLXIV
Former child star sightings, the House of Satan, and Super Bowl Fiascoes

3 Feb 1999


Filler 02.03.99
How Bitterness Happens!

2 Feb 1999


Papal Bull
Pope John Paul II's rock-and-roll lifestyle

1 Feb 1999


When Activists Attack!
Where's the Symbionese Liberation Army when you need them?

 
  Jan 1999
 

29 Jan 1999


The Eternal Blame
Trace your problems back to the source!

28 Jan 1999


Hit & Run CLXIII
A date with Larry Ellison, Apple's Y2K bug, and Roger Ebert on labor

27 Jan 1999


Filler 01.27.99
Movies For The Enraged, The Bitter, And The Bored!

26 Jan 1999


Speech Therapy
The State of the Union remains unchanged

25 Jan 1999


Hot Copy
Remakes, sequels, cover tunes, and counterfeits

22 Jan 1999


British Disease
The cultural tyranny of Anglophilia

21 Jan 1999


Hit & Run CLXII
Sacred trinkets, butt cams, Nordic genes, and Republican rejoinders

20 Jan 1999


Filler 01.20.99
Creepless In Seattle!

19 Jan 1999


Grand Slam
Mike Tyson and the lost art of ass-kicking

18 Jan 1999


Law of the Jungle
New rules for 1999

15 Jan 1999


Bastard Out of Arkansas
Matt Drudge's last big scoop?

14 Jan 1999


Hit & Run CLXI
A Simple Song of Peace, Men of Steel Balls, Civil War Porn, and Drudge's folly

13 Jan 1999


Filler 01.13.99
We're Gonna Panic Like It's 1999!

12 Jan 1999


Feedback Loop
Kissing ass and faking names in the letters pages

11 Jan 1999


Rolling Blunder
Fighting the Vietnam War again as World War II again in Iraq

8 Jan 1999


Details, Details
Are you detail oriented or detail ignorant?

7 Jan 1999


Hit & Run CLX
Fat acceptance workshops, lethal hairbrushes, Ramadan greeting cards and other holiday gifts

6 Jan 1999


Filler 01.06.99
The Post-Holiday Grays!

5 Jan 1999


Blue to You
Explore the Post-Holiday Blues

4 Jan 1999


Man Handled
How Tom Wolfe and Details touched each other's manhood